you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
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