i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
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