just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
Randomize
