Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
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