Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
