You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
Randomize
