She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
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