I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
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