i just sent this text using only my big toe
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
Randomize
