i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
Randomize
