my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
party gras won. party gras always wins.
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
I am one with the molecules
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
Randomize
