Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
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