dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
Randomize
