my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
Randomize
