Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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