We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
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