Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
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