Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
