you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
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