i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
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