we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
Randomize
