I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
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