My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
I need a burrito and a hug.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
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