Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Randomize
