Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize
