Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
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