Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
Randomize
