we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Randomize
