Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
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