Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
Randomize
