She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
Randomize
