i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
Randomize
