Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
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