i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
Randomize
