So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
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