Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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