you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Randomize
