oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
Randomize
