i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
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