Pappa wants mamma naked
i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
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