I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize
