I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
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