Dude my mom stole all your condoms
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
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