John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
