i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
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