i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
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