There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Randomize
