I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
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