The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
he thought i was a dude.
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
