Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Randomize
