At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
Randomize
